The Latina’s Guide To Long Distance Love

Long distance love. As much as I wish this didn’t describe my current relationship sometimes, it does. H & I met at a personal finance blogger conference in 2012 but started dating towards the end of 2013-beginning of 2014. A perk of meeting at a blogger conference? Someone with similar interests as you! You have things to talk about and know a lot of the same people. Cool! Not so perk? They probably live in a different state than you, as was my experience.

H currently resides on the East Coast while I am in the Southwest. We actually live 3,000+ miles apart if anyone is counting. While we didn’t intend to be in a long distance relationship, you can’t help who you fall in love with sometimes. And I wouldn’t change a thing. After being together four years, we have been pretty successful when navigating the long-distance hiccups. So while we can’t wait until we are eventually under the same roof, we’re happy.

A lot of people will discourage you from trying to be in a long-distance relationship. I have found many of these people don’t do so out of spite, but perhaps out of concern. Maybe their friends or family members haven’t been so successful in a long distance relationship department. Or maybe they themselves have had doubts, which led to them not pursuing a relationship, long distance or otherwise. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be. If you happen to find yourself in a similar relationship Latinas, I have a few pointers for you when the times get rough.

Realize It’s Going To Be Hard

I’m a blunt person so I will be getting first things first out of the way. If you are going to be pursuing a long distance relationship with someone, for whatever reason, realize it’s going to be hard AF. Yes, I went there and it’s better to know now so you can prepare yourself. It’s not impossible, which some may lead you to believe, but it is hard.

Dating someone who lives in town is one thing, but dating someone who lives hours away, by car or airplane, is another. You can’t see each other as often as you’d like or do random things like catch a movie just because you felt like it. You may feel insecure because you aren’t a regular part of their life or meet all of the people in it. Isolation Island might feel like a real place.

It’s okay to feel like this. If you didn’t experience feelings of doubt and loneliness at least once in awhile, you aren’t human in my opinion. As humans, we are social creatures by nature and spend a lot of time with others. The same goes for relationships of the romantic pursuit. When you can’t see the one you love on a regular basis, it’s hard. But knowing this going in will help save you from frustration when the going gets tough.

Communication Is Everything

Just like any other relationship, communication is key Latinas. It might even be more important in a long distance relationship since you can’t physically see each other.

Believe it or not, I wasn’t always a great communicator. Sure, I’m a great talker but not a communicator. I still don’t fully believe I am but I am definitely more self-aware than I used to be. Often, I assumed my partner would know what I was thinking and why I would get so upset over certain things. He’s my partner, right? Doesn’t he know me?!?! Not only was my way of thinking flawed, it didn’t help that my boyfriend is a whole generation older than me. Being older doesn’t always equate to being more mature but he definitely is in this situation. We also communicate more efficiently through different mediums, such as by phone or text.

Take time to really learn each others communication style and if it’s different than yours, be flexible. My partner hates texting but will text me because he knows it means a lot to me. I assume he knows what I am thinking and will often run with something but now I know I need to slow down. And when my feelings get hurt, I know I need to take a timeout to really assess what is bothering me before I call him and lose it. Even if you are about to lose it, or you’re lonely, talk about these feelings with your partner so you can make it through.

Meet Each Other Half Way

No relationship is 50/50 and this is especially true when in long distance love. Because you don’t live by each other or see each other often, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to gather whatever breadcrumbs you can to make it work. You may think your partner should talk to you for a certain amount of time every day because you do. Or insert 25 other things you think your partner should be doing just because, especially if you are in a long-distance relationship.

I’m not saying you should do all of the heavy lifting in a relationship or make all of the effort, but it’s a great idea to meet your partner halfway. Discuss strengths and weaknesses with each other and figure out a way to play off of them. My partner hates doing things he feels are minute but still important, such as picking out a gift or planning a vacay. However, my partner can afford to travel more frequently to me than I can to him, so I happily make the tradeoff.

Think Outside The Box When Traveling

Since you are usually traveling somewhere anyways, try to think outside of the box!

Instead of always visiting each other in our cities, we will pick out a different one to try instead. When we had first started dating, we spent almost an entire week in Boston and it’s still one of my favorite trips to this date. When you are both in a new city for the first time, you get to enjoy each other’s company in a new light. Nothing makes relationships grow Latinas such as trying new and different things to make memories later on.

Decide what new city you would like to explore and plan a trip there instead of your honey’s town. Since you’ll be paying for traveling expenses anyways, save up a little bit more to help with accommodations when you arrive at your destination. Plan a fun new activity such as a cooking class and make sure to remember downtime, such as relaxing in the hot tub. Take time to explore a new city with the one you love. And if an expensive trip isn’t in the picture, try a small day trip to someplace new, even if it’s just a drive for a change of scenery.

Utilize Technology

Twenty years ago, people probably assumed we’d be in flying cars by now. We’re not quite there yet, (I’m looking at you self-driving cars), but technology has still come a long way. Pretty much everyone has access to a smartphone or a laptop with a video & camera option. The point is, our options for communicating aren’t limited to what they used to be.

Utilize technology to your advantage in a long distance relationship. Try to Skype or Facetime your loved one at least once a week to see their face and check in with them. Text each other cute photos throughout the day to share your life or send funny memes to let them know you are thinking of them. Send quick emails or share links to articles you think they would enjoy. One way I love utilizing technology is by sending my BF something quick off of Amazon for special events or surprising him with some groceries. My BF’s love language is a toss up between touch and acts of service, so anytime he doesn’t have to step into a grocery store, it’s appreciated.

Take Time To Do You

Chances are, you will not be in a long distance relationship forever. Some people are in one for a year or two while others, like myself, are in them for much longer. There is no right or wrong timeline, just like in any other relationship even though it might feel like it due to distance. But, instead of waiting around for the “future” to start when you are both in the same place, try your best living your life in the now.

It’s tempting to save all the new experiences in your life for your partner, even if you see them frequently. While it might make sense in nature, it’s not healthy. You and your partner are not the same person and will have different interests and preferences. Plus, putting a lot of pressure on someone to make your happy in all areas of your life is a great way to become single or develop some unhealthy relationship beliefs.

Instead of waiting for that prince or princess to visit, take advantage of all that time you may have and channel it into something productive. Put in those extra hours at work or learn a new skill. Run a marathon. Read all of the books that have been piling up on your bookshelf. Take a cooking class. And then share your full life with someone you love.

Closing Remarks

Relationships can be hard and at times, long distance relationships can be even harder. I can’t tell you how many times someone has mentioned that I’m the only person they know who has actually been successful at long distance dating. Although it makes me sad, I’m not surprised. Relationships take time, effort and remembering why you are doing this in the first place, no matter where your partner lives.

But long-distance love is not impossible. I hope by sharing the tips above and what has worked for me will inspire you to give it a go. By utilizing technology and practicing open communication you can maximize the time you spend, both with and without each other. Because who wants to spend the weekend arguing when you could be cuddling instead?

The Latina’s Guide To Traveling

As I have mentioned before, I used to dream of traveling. Being so broke in my 20s didn’t allow me a lot of extras. After a canceled trip with friends,  I decided to finally make my dream into a reality in 2013 by booking a plane ticket to New York City. I had a friend who (still) lives in Brooklyn, so she not only hosted me but also played tour guide (thanks, Leslie!).  I unlocked a love that I had no idea even existed and ran with it. Soon after, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend and started renting a room from a friend. Renting a room, and now being smart with my current apartment setup, has allowed me the flexibility, both financially and physically, to travel.

Even though I have an insane passion for traveling, I have decided to scale back my trips this year to work on my goals, mainly my business and health. It’s hard for me to fully commit to these two things if I am not in a consistent environment. But even with scaling back, I’ll still be spending time in the friendly skies. And I want to share my travel tips to help you can enjoy your vacation too!

Set The Intent For Your Trip

As much as I love a good plan, I’ve realized you need to be honest with yourself. So, before you plan any trip, ask yourself two questions:

  • What is the purpose of my trip?
  • What kind of traveler do I want to be?

Over the years, I’ve realized no two trips are the same, even if it’s the same destination. I’ve been to Orlando twice for work and each time I had a different experience, because of what traveler I had decided to be. One trip felt frazzled because I insisted on cramming everything in and one trip felt relaxing because I stayed in more, ate on site and got more quality sleep.

By asking yourself the questions above, you can be more precise about how you would like to plan your trip. If your trip is to sightsee and you want to be relaxed, maybe only schedule one thing a day instead of cramming five. There is no right or wrong way to travel; it’s about following the intent you set and having fun.

Do your research

Once you have set your intent for your trip, start doing some research! Look up your destination on your phone and see what there is to do. Make a list of everything that seems excited, then look further into logistics and pricing. Once you have a list of possible sights, start stacking them up against the intent of your trip and timeline.

It’s important to note hours of location and days it will be closed. Check to see if it’s accessible via your mode of transportation and if they take cash or credit. It’s assumed that everyone accepts a card these days, but that’s not always the case. In fact, plenty of vendors do not want to pay a transaction fee so they will happily accept only cash or provide an onsite ATM that charges you even more money.

It’s also essential to research possible admission and wait times. Last year when I went to San Francisco, Alcatraz Island was sold out for weeks in advance. Alcatraz Island is also very time consuming and if I hadn’t known that in advance, I would have attempted to squeeze in another activity.

Save Adequately

After you’ve set the intent for your trip and a general plan, be sure to save adequately. I can’t stress this enough for so many reasons. Stuff happens in life so you can expect it to happen when traveling.

While traveling, I’ve needed medical care, lost items that needed to be replaced, broken things by accident and have had to figure out alternative transportation. I’ve also decided that I was going to have that extra Malibu & Pineapple drink, eat that dessert or buy that cute trinket I didn’t need.

It’s important to not only save for what you plan on doing but to save a bit extra just in case. Nobody likes to feel stressed out when traveling. Money doesn’t make you a happier person but it can definitely make things easier.  A good rule of thumb I follow is to save an additional fifty dollars per day I’m away. I almost always bring home extra cash that just goes towards my next adventure!

Keep a bag of essentials on you when traveling

While I pack as much as I can in the suitcase I check (I have a bad back), there are some items I refuse to part with when traveling and keep them in my backpack at all times. Think about it. Are there some items that you would have a hard time replacing or are irreplaceable? Yeah, don’t check them. While the worst thing that happened to me was someone had gone through my luggage at the Philadelphia Airport baggage claim, I consider myself lucky. I’ve heard worse experiences such as people’s items get stolen or their entire bag goes missing. Someone in my study abroad program didn’t have his suitcase for five days.

My carry on consists of everything I need to keep me going for a few days in case something happened to my luggage. Any electronics with their respectable chargers are kept in my bag along with headphones, a book and any other source of entertainment. I also keep my makeup bag with a few toiletries and all of my prescription meds on hand. Where you are traveling to may not have your pharmacy, or your copays may just be outrageous like mine. As a bonus, I keep a sweater, snacks, an eye mask and earplugs for some additional comforts. I can’t nap very often on planes anymore, but I do enjoy resting while listening to a podcast. And snacks ensure I am never hungry when traveling due to being a Celiac.

Be realistic & safe

Traveling is exciting and is also full of unknowns. No one expects to be caught in an uncomfortable situation or get sick. But things happen, and it’s better to be safe than sorry, especially as female travelers.

If you are traveling alone or with a group of friends, make sure someone knows of your location at all times. Human trafficking is real and so is rape. To help prevent this, do not leave your drink unattended for any amount of time. If someone offers to buy you a drink, ask the bartender if you can watch them make it. Do not get into a strangers car if they offer you a ride or offer to go to their hotel room if you have just met them. I know I probably sound like a buzz kill if you are intent on having fun, but I’m okay with that. As a criminal justice major, and social justice warrior, I’ve heard horror stories, especially involving women of color.

It’s also important when traveling to have emergency contact information ready to go in case something happens to you or you get sick. When studying abroad in Israel, the stomach flu ran through our class like wildfire. Two people were hospitalized and one didn’t have any emergency contact information. You may not get the flu but there are other accidents and ailments that could harm you. Make sure your emergency contacts are accessible and ready to go. If you have a serious health condition, it may be worth it to invest in a medical I.D bracelet.

Enjoy The Present

The last piece of advice I’ll share is to try to enjoy the present. In today’s world, it’s so easy to be glued to your phone checking in everywhere and taking photos. I am so guilty of this myself! I now try to make a conscious effort to put my phone away and enjoy my experience. I’m not perfect, and my phone comes out way more than it should, but I’m trying.

Two things I’ve done to help me enjoy the present is to journal at night for a few minutes and accept that my day will not 100% go as planned. By journaling, I’m taking time to write things down that  I would like to remember as well as time to reflect. I love visiting museums when I’m traveling, and sometimes, the material is deep. Journaling helps me process any residual feelings I may have.

Accepting my day for what it is has helped me be in the present by relieving frustration. I have a lot of health issues and I get frustrated when I can’t do any activity It’s usually because I need to rest or my body just can’t physically handle it. When I feel anguish, my coping mechanism is to usually cry. Now, I try to be kind to myself and instead, look for things to be grateful for. Last December, my back went out while visiting my boyfriend.  I literally laid on his bed and cried.

But being kind allowed me to not dwell on this setback and instead, be grateful. The previous day I walked all over New York City and even saw Hamilton on Broadway with absolutely no pain. Yes, I was currently in a lot of pain but I could take this time to just be. And because I didn’t stress and make my back worse, I felt ready to go the next day!

Closing Remarks

Traveling as a Latina, or anyone can be a lot of fun! Every time I travel, I am filled with excitement and wonder. Even if it’s someplace I’ve been to a dozen times, like New York City, there is always something that makes me happy to be there.

I hope by sharing my tips above, I have inspired you to go on your own journey. By setting an intention for your trip and doing your research, you will be able to save adequately. Having a great flight can help you feel refreshed when you arrive at your destination and ready to go when you land. Have fun Latinas!

Places I Plan To Travel To In 2018

When I was in my mid-twenties, I romanticised visiting New York City. Actually, it was traveling in general. At the time, I was living off of $900 a month and had only been to a few different places in my entire life. I know looking back now that I was extremely lucky to even have traveled the limited amount I had since others aren’t as lucky. But I still daydreamed about it a lot.

Fast forward to 2017, and I am quite a globetrotter. Okay, maybe I’m not spending weekends in Rome (yet) but I literally said out loud in November that I was so sick of traveling so much. I was frustrated because I wanted to take a class in person and couldn’t because it would have required me to be in the same state for more than three weeks at a time. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I felt sincerely ungrateful. Such a first world problem to even have.

For 2018, I plan on still traveling because of a few reasons. One, I am in a long distance relationship with someone I love who lives across the country. I mean literally, we are both on different coasts and timezones. We will eventually be moving in together but see ourselves still spending at least this year apart. Second, I have a lot of people in my life I love and want to see. So while I will be spending a lot of time at home so I can work on my health and scale my business, I will still be popping around to say hi to a few people.

All The Weddings & Graduations!

I have a wedding to attend in February, a graduation in May and a possible wedding vow renewal in June.

In February, my roommate is getting married! She’s actually one of my good friends and we haven’t lived together in years but I don’t care. She will forever be my roommate, lol. I don’t have to leave per say but I am still adding it to this for my budget calculations. I need to get gifts, will be attending a bachelorette party, etc. But it’s so worth it because I’m so happy for her.

My niece is graduating in May from a high school that allowed her to take dual enrollment courses at the local community college. I am extremely proud of her and how well she is doing. She will probably be graduating from college when she is 20 and I can’t even imagine that. My best friend (her mom) currently lives in Las Vegas so I’ll be heading there for Memorial Day weekend. We decided to make a weekend of it since we live six hours apart and don’t see each other as often as we would like to.

In June, I might be heading to New Mexico to see one of my other best friend’s. Her husband and her are still currently deciding if they would like to do a vow renewal ceremony as once discussed or take a cruise since they weren’t able to have a honeymoon. Since it’s tentative, I’ll be playing it by ear.

Attend gay pride in Castro

After weddings and graduations, I’ll be hopping on an airplane to celebrate Gay Pride with a few friends at the end of June. I am excited to be in Castro, a neighborhood of San Francisco. Castro is very rich in LGBTQ history. Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man voted into a public office in California had his camera shop here. Last year I was lucky to be in the Castro District for the first day of Pride but not for the day of celebration on Sunday.

Attend National Seminar in New Orleans.

This trip is definitely a maybe but I am really excited about it. Every year my full-time employer has a national training seminar at different places around the country. Last year I had decided I had wanted to go before I even knew where the location would be. I’m really trying to bloom where I am planted and figured presenting at a national conference would be a great way to do it.

I will probably be here for a few days and while I’ll be attending workshops and dinners, I also want to sneak away and do some sightseeing in the French Quarter. I absolutely loved New Orleans when I went a few years ago so I’m hoping I get to check it out again. One of my other best friends has discussed stopping by to check out New Orelans with her husband so I hope they can make it.

Attend FinCon in September

FinCon is an annual financial blogger conference held every year in different areas of the country. I’ve been going every year since 2012 and I currently help with social media for the Plutus Awards, who recognizes the best of personal finance every year.

This year, FinCon will be held in September in Orlando, FL. I’ve been to Orlando a few times before for other conferences so I won’t be doing any sightseeing or anything but I am still excited to attend the conference. I have a ton of friends from this blogging niche so it’s like summer camp. I also love networking at this conference and I actually met my BF here so it will always have a special place in my heart.

Italy in October w/ H

YES! H and I will be going to Italy for not one but TWO weeks this October. What had happened was…

We were originally going to go to Hawaii next month to celebrate our four year anniversary. H doesn’t like crowds and I am obsessed with whale hunting, so we compromised on going to the island of Maui and then taking a ferry over to Lanai for a day. But… we waiting a little too long to plan our trip and the stars weren’t lining up without costing us both an arm and a leg. We compromised and decided to go for our five year anniversary instead.

Since we’ll be taking this trip next year, we decided for me to save my vacation time so we can spend two weeks in Italy instead of one. Fall works for both of us so we’ll be going then. So much to do and plan but we are so excited and we’re not going to be waiting until the last minute, lol. So far, the Vaitcan, Pompelli & drinking wine are on my list.

Christmas Family Vacation

My best friend and I will be going on our annual Christmas Family Vacation in December. This year, we will be going to Disneyland. I am excited to go as I haven’t been in almost two years. Disneyland is one of my happy places so even if the Star Wars side won’t be open (sniffle), I’ll still be quite content!

Closing Remarks

Since I cash flow the majority of my trips with my entertainment budget, I feel pretty good about all of these except with Italy and Disneyland, which will require a bit more saving and earning power. I’m also feeling good about not traveling as much as I have in previous years. I love traveling but this year my focus is on growth, in regards to my business and health. Both require me to be as home as much as possible so I have time to work on them.

Anyone have any fun trips planned?